July 2011
505 posts
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You're kidding, right?
You’re not kidding. When I went to use the bathroom this morning, the light actually didn’t work.
I can’t even explain how difficult it is to do the standard ‘shit, shower, and shave’ routine with the door open considering my current room-mate. R found it funny. She’s still laughing.
Meanwhile, I went to meet one of my big bosses today with a manly...
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What's with this weird week?
I leave town and the crazy shit happens? I feel like I should document this stuff for posterity, or something.
After spending nearly three hours at a dinner meeting listening to an associate engage in a conversational jerk off (because everything he says is only to make himself feel good), I get back to the love motel to the craziest text—
“Dude, Alan! You’re famous!”
...
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I'm on a business trip in the Twilight Zone.
I wasn’t going to address the craziness that has been my business trip, but after the bathroom incident, my coworker gave me her computer and demanded that I tell the world. Because someone has to know if we don’t come back.
I’m kidding. A little. But I am in the goddamn Twilight Zone.
My boss is a cheap bastard; this is a fact. My coworker R and I expected we’d...
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See you next Tuesday (no, I'm not insulting you)...
I’m off the radar for the next week on business.
The pie/cookie extravaganza has been won. I will be picking up my payment next week. ;)
Hopefully, I will return with post-ready Bruce/Jason cuteness.
Until then, be well and play safe.
-Alan
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puffoftheturkey asked: Ohmuy I finally found! I adored your Batfam stories and all the Batboys playing strip poker especially, can't wait for more! Haha once I found out you bake I knew I had to follow you! I enjoy hearing about your day-to-day life, I get a peek at the blogger and writer behind it all! I haven't read everything from the beginning, but hearing about your coming out has me not freaking out as...
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Anonymous asked: What do you think of anons who ask personal and "embarrassing" questions?
Can you tell your anons apart? Such as I, do you think I'm an active anon? Just curious.
Can you tell your anons apart? Such as I, do you think I'm an active anon? Just curious.
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What do I think of M-pregs?
Yes. I will boldly go where few men have gone before. I will openly discuss the m-preg.
I think in a fandom where men can shoot laser beams from their eyes, run faster than the speed of sound, and have incredible morphing abilities, that anything is possible.
There, I said it. I think m-pregs can happen.
But you have to be convincing. There has to be a damn good reason behind it. And...
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danceofthesugarplumdoctor asked: I'm sorry if all the mpreg questions bothered you... They just brought it up and I got very curious.....
Anyway, I've never been good at baking, no matter what it is it gets burnt. Do you have any advice you think you can give me?
Anyway, I've never been good at baking, no matter what it is it gets burnt. Do you have any advice you think you can give me?
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Anonymous asked: heeeya, this is the, uh (i suppose i should identify myself somewhat), lullaby anon. i just wanted to say that i hope you don't get eaten by your pastries and won't come out worse for the wesr from your baking armageddon. best of luck!
also: what is your contingency plan in the face of the forthcoming comicalypse this fall? reject reality and substitute with earth-81? because...
also: what is your contingency plan in the face of the forthcoming comicalypse this fall? reject reality and substitute with earth-81? because...
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If you draw art for me...
…you get fan service in 81. This is a fact. But you have to tell me what you’d like. And if you could tag it with ‘Earth 81’, it’ll pop up on my Dash so dense Alan is more likely to see it.
I will do my absolute best to accommodate your request. Just remember, the story has a plot that I’ve bulleted. There are certain things that won’t happen. But I...
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charcoalmink asked: don't forget to tell us about the thank you sex, alan. as your ex-girlfriend, i'd like to hear about this.
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Anonymous asked: So Mr. Black, I spent a significant amount of time today working on that picture I'm drawing for you, but I fear I'm going to have to start over because I'm not pleased with the direction things are going. In the meantime, I would like to second the request for spanking in upcoming fic-- not necessarily Dick, but just in general.
-Puppy
-Puppy
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Anonymous asked: P.S.
Anything can be sexy, Boss.
I'll make sure of it.
Your eggs will make everyone's mouths water.
Anything can be sexy, Boss.
I'll make sure of it.
Your eggs will make everyone's mouths water.
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Anonymous asked: Ahh, well it is currently storm season over here so my horrible net has been made even more horrible, I'm afraid. My face isn't much to look at right now anyway. I've been backtracking your blog a bit and admittedly I'm pretty jealous. This Pup of yours is adorable. TOO ADORABLE *squints eyes*
I'll throw a different type of kinky orgy mixer in all the rooms,...
I'll throw a different type of kinky orgy mixer in all the rooms,...
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gyipee asked: I hope you realize that it's your fault that I can't stop listening to 'Step by Step'
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yayone asked: Hello there <3
I want to draw you a little something because your fan-fics are fantastic and I feel that I should give you a gift for providing a great level of joy and glee. However, I would like some help in this. I first thought of drawing some pretty scenes from your fics, but I also wanted to know if you happen to have anything you would like to be drawn? I am quite willing to draw...
I want to draw you a little something because your fan-fics are fantastic and I feel that I should give you a gift for providing a great level of joy and glee. However, I would like some help in this. I first thought of drawing some pretty scenes from your fics, but I also wanted to know if you happen to have anything you would like to be drawn? I am quite willing to draw...
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Anonymous asked: Boss,
I need your favorite breakfast foods and/or drinks and all your favorite blends of coffee other than black with sugar.
Porn muse can only wait so long.
Loving Regards,
Scout
I need your favorite breakfast foods and/or drinks and all your favorite blends of coffee other than black with sugar.
Porn muse can only wait so long.
Loving Regards,
Scout
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danceofthesugarplumdoctor asked: Hi. I saw you say you wouldn't take the mpreg question from Anon. While I'm not that Anon, I'm curious now what your stance on Mpreg is?
:3 would you mind sharing your opinion on it in general?
:3 would you mind sharing your opinion on it in general?
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Anonymous asked: Since you invited it in...how DO you feel about mpregs? Do you have any planned for your writings...?
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stillthere4me asked: Because it's in my head now...
Will there be any mention of or actual Dick spanking in Earth 81?
Will there be any mention of or actual Dick spanking in Earth 81?
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One more goddamn pie
—and my life may resume something resembling normal. If the gods are particularly gracious, I may have just enough energy to answer all the asks in my box. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
Why did I save the peach for last? What the hell was I thinking?
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I think the monster at Alan's ask box hates me.
outofthecavern:
And I couldn’t comment on your livejournal, it wasn’t working for me for some reason x.x
So, I’ll just post it here instead before the storm comes and possibly takes out the internet.
Read More
My dearest timmystalker Kristen,
You all better be careful, or this hero stuff is going to go to my head. ;)
Ok, to get serious, I’m very touched by your confession. It...
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jeli-bean asked: Can we just like donate all the Batman comics to you and just have you re-write all the new stories coming in september? I'm sure you'd do the characters better justice then what's being done so far
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Canon Fanfic Writer's Guild
It’s the new theory J and I came up with after I almost dropped an entire pie on the floor in anger.
And it was cherry. Three pounds of hand-pitted cherries in a from-scratch crust. I can’t even tell you how much that would have sucked.
I’d like to begin by saying that I’m still going to be giving DC a chance in September; they’ve pulled shit like this before. It...
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No offense, but you're an asshole.
I have a mutual friend on Live Journal that recently attended SDCC. I’m keeping her anonymous for now, as she’s recently locked her journal and I don’t want to compromise that decision.
However, a quote from one of her con reports stuck with me. On attending one of the New 52 panels, Scott Lobdell is quoted as saying (from someone who was actually there)
[Lobdell] wants the...
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staticraining asked: I dare say that Damian can not be 14 while Tim is 20 if you try to make it as canonically as possible.
Tim turned 18 in Red Robin if I am not mistaken and Damian was still 10 in there so they have to be 8 years apart which would make Tim 22.
But to be honest I just don't care how old they are in your fic as long as you keep up the awesome characterisation!
Tim turned 18 in Red Robin if I am not mistaken and Damian was still 10 in there so they have to be 8 years apart which would make Tim 22.
But to be honest I just don't care how old they are in your fic as long as you keep up the awesome characterisation!
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Anonymous asked: Hullo! Aw shucks, now I feel bad cuz I don't really have a question to ask. I just wanted to join the party. :P Um. I'd like you to know that you're probably *the* reason I've gotten up to my eyebrows into this whole DCU fandom thing. Thank you for helping me see the awesomeness which is Dick Grayson's ass. >D
Question! Right! Er. What's the age...
Question! Right! Er. What's the age...
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J, I mean it...
You eat one more of my goddamn cookies, I’m going to tell your girlfriend you’re into water sports. And she will believe me.
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beautifulmonster asked: I hope you get this, but I'll copy the message anyway (just in case).
You are really, really, really amazing to me. You have no idea how emotional I felt at your response to Gabby's post (and how emotional I felt to hear about her predicament). I'm lucky to have very open-minded parents and friends, but I know that isn't always the case. I'm sorry to hear...
You are really, really, really amazing to me. You have no idea how emotional I felt at your response to Gabby's post (and how emotional I felt to hear about her predicament). I'm lucky to have very open-minded parents and friends, but I know that isn't always the case. I'm sorry to hear...
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nesyra asked: Do you dance, Alan?
What do you like dancing to? Partner or solo? :)
What do you like dancing to? Partner or solo? :)
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Anonymous asked: Love your fic! It's well-thought out and very much down-to-earth (for superhero chars anyway). I almost wish a lot of writers take a cue from you about believability in fanfics.
Oh, quick question. In your opinion, can a gay guy actually fall in love with his girl best friend? Just curious. No offense intended.
Oh, quick question. In your opinion, can a gay guy actually fall in love with his girl best friend? Just curious. No offense intended.
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Anonymous asked: Hello Alan, I'm pull all-nighter for my paper and want some fuel beside caffeine and candy. So here I am, bothering you. (Hahaha. Sugar-rush)
Does men sexier ;
Gloriously nude, half nude and mussy or dressed to nine?
Does men sexier ;
Gloriously nude, half nude and mussy or dressed to nine?
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outofthecavern asked: What's your favorite song bigbro?
or a CD you can just listen to over and over again?
or a CD you can just listen to over and over again?
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charcoalmink asked: alan. can we be exes? it shouldn't be too difficult, considering i'm a girl and you're not interested in what i have. we could bake for each other following our break-up, since it seems to be something we have in common.
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Anonymous asked: Since Puppy asked about Jason's hair, what is his official hair color in your 81 verse? I remember once you said he dyed his hair since he's filling in for Nightwing. Would that be a black, perhaps dark brown, or include a bluish tint or white streak? It's unclear whether that streak can be dyed. Hhhmmm.
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Anonymous asked: Every time I read something you write, you make me laught, a lot. Even if is something serius.
I'm afraid (really afraid) that I can't take you seriusly. I feel guilty right now for that.
I'm afraid (really afraid) that I can't take you seriusly. I feel guilty right now for that.
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boldlygoingintobooty asked: Alan, you are my hero. You bake, you write amazing porn, you're one of the awesomest people on the planet. Is there anything that you can't do?
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In order to keep my sanity...
I will be doing what I love while I do what needs to be done, and answering my backlog of ask questions today while I bake. But it will be a slow process, so please remember that patience is a virtue. If you think your ask didn’t get through, please don’t send it multiple times—post it to my Live Journal. Thanks. :)
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You know why women are amazing?
(Among other things) Because once upon a time, when they were relegated to the kitchen, they could make things like apple pie without an apple corer.
That’s hardcore. I tip my hat to you.
I’m going to bed. G’night, all. I will (hopefully) communicate more coherently tomorrow.
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Anonymous asked: you sound as if you would benefit from company.
or a lullaby.
if your roommate's words are to be believed.
do you need a hand with either?
or a lullaby.
if your roommate's words are to be believed.
do you need a hand with either?
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That awkward moment when your roommate goes onto...
Yeah. I just had one of those.
He's being fucking whiny.
Is he this whiny on Tumblr? Jeez, Al. Go to bed already.
(I thought since you weren’t listening to me, you’d hear me if you read it.)
(Or whatever.)
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Excuse me? You want me to what?
You texted me this early in the morning to tell me one of those cookie batches needed to be gluten free?
You don’t make gluten-free cookies. They make you.
Uh uh. I don’t think so. I’m going to go out and buy a mix and hope you don’t notice.
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If you enjoyed the animated All Star Superman,...
(I know I’ve got a bunch of asks in my box, but I’m on a bit of a baking frenzy right now. I promise I’ll get to them.)
It’s 2AM where I am. I’m a little punchy. I’ve made 4 pies in the last eight hours. I’m about to start on peanut butter cookies. If you have no idea why I’m doing this, please see previous posts.
J’s job starts in the...
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Anonymous asked: I made brownies today! My and my friend ate them while watching Young Justice again-- it was lots of fun! What were you baking, Mr. Black?
- Puppy
- Puppy